AN IMPOSSIBLE DANCE PARTY - THESE ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

AN IMPOSSIBLE DANCE PARTY

OKAY: 

It is a fucking travesty that white ppl can't (are strongly urged not to) belt out all the lyrics to rap songs bc stupid, better-than-the-world rappers insist on using language that is inappropriate for most normal white girls (... and people) to sing along to. SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH. we are people too!!! and we want to sing along to fucking problems!!!!

ps. fun fact: the model in the pic below by Terry Richardson just got caught w a bag of coke and might get her modeling contracts revoked for bad behavior ala Kate 2006. BIATCH.







.. Also- I've recently been out when the songs from this mix are played and there are few occasions when i'm drunk enough to dance to them although every inch of my body wants to. It only takes a glimpse at some girl all decked out in her inner strippers finest getting it on w/ the bar/a pole/table/tasteless man like the club turned into her imaginary music video to stop myself. not only that but i strongly feel that the rappers here are the only ones who can legit rap to their lyrics wo looking/sounding like a complete moron. no matter who you are. personal opinion. and completely tragic. 

okay not saying i'm not totally at fault for such indiscretions...BUT I TRY. It isn't that hard to realize i'm not as sexy as rihanna.. my clothes usually aren't rap video worthy and the club lighting is doing nothing for me. HAHAHAHAHAH

So ANYWAY the mix are a bunch of songs I wish I could look like a sexy badass dancing to.. I suppose I should at least be thankful that I know to keep this dance party/sing along to the privacy of my own room.

SIDENOTE: I wish my life could mimic Lana Del Rey's National Anthem bc I am partially/totally in total love w/ a$ap Rocky. 

on another totally fun note you probably don't care about BUT SHOULD: my computer just came up w/ this totally useful fact abt the word utilize that you can use too!!!: (aka try to avoid)
Utilize is a puff-word. Since it does nothing that good old use doesn't do, its extra letters and syllables don't make a writer seem smarter. Rather, using utilize makes you seem like either a pompous twit or someone so insecure that he'll use pointlessly big words in an attempt to look smart. 

God my computer is always looking out for my best interest. Yay, i love you for so many reasons. Yea,  I love my computer. fuck off. sooooo.......


SECOND ON THE AGENDA: 


So here is the best thing i've read in a really really long time: I guess it is some letter that the president of a sorority (unknown) @ U of Maryland wrote to her poor sisters bc they weren't pulling their weight during Greek Week. hahahahah this shit couldn't be funnier if it was a total joke (which it might be) It is pretty long but completely worth it. HAHAHAAH. It is nice to know there are some bitches out there who are totally shameless about being total cunts.. in fact.. wait for it but this bitch actually uses the phrase "I will cunt punt you." WTF?? hahahahah Honestly she had me when she called her chapter awkward and boring straight up.  

To go w/ the theme here I included one of my favorite clips ever. I swear I idolized Parker Posey for years bc of this:





seriously get ready for this email bc it is a fucking GEM. 
If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.
For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee [first name redacted], I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.
I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the Greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR.

This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.
"But [first name redacted]!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! 
I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the Greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP.


I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you: DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.
I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.
And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.
-[Last name redacted] 

GOLDEN. what fucking royal slutface of cuntdom wrote this insanity???? I want to meet her.  

[Valid RSS] Tweets by @ElizabethASpenc