Monday, December 24, 2012

On The Topic Of Hot Women: and how much I can love them

SAY HELLO to the girl of my dreams....

no, i'm not a lessie and at this point in my life I really don't think I'm bi either bc I love the penis too mch.. honestly. but if looked like Amanda sefried i'd have to like become a lesbian just so i could make it with myself n the mirror every time I looked into it.

SOOOO, you might be wondering about the topic of this blog.. especially if you are a male.. writing about girl's sexuality has been on my mind lately bc it seems to have become like a fad to be bi or just straight out gay lately, as if it were a decision. SO, i have dedicated exactly 1/3 of this post to each of my favorite girls in the world (okay this is minus Kate and Edie OBVIOUSLY) so I don't feel left out. I've also dedicated one song to each so the post can read somewhat like a middle school dance esp bc the one dedicated to Amanda is Unchained Melody.

Amanda, You've gotten so much hotter since Mean Girls even tho that was the first time i remember seeing your sexy face.. You did ditzy blonde girls everywhere a favor. I don't even know what I would do if we got to hook up bc i'd feel too weird touching your giant boobs and everything abt your face is perfect I wouldn't wan tot mess anything up.. basically I want to be you but if I did i'd be so turned on by myself i'd prob have an orgasm that would make me explode.. literally.

Lara Stone, 

When I first saw your naked swimsuit pictures in UK Vogue 3 summers ago I fell in love w your body bc you re so fucking hot but have curves in all the right places. plus I noticed we are the same age which clearly gave me (false) hope that I could somehow someday be as hot and confident as you .. I also love that you wore two dresses to your wedding and that you ended up in rehab for alcohol just like i did.. kinda. I wanna feel you up and be your best friend. We could have sleep overs and try on all your Free CK underwear you get from your campaign. While I wouldn't have a lot to bring to the relationship I could def bitch out anyone who said you look like stupid Georgia May Jagger. I'm glad you have a husband so things wouldn't get too serious c you're so exotic and fucking rad looking I might have to bring you around forever just for attention's sake. When it comes down to it I'm just insanely shallow and I adore your because you are beautiful. I don't even fucking know anything abt Lara Stone's personality.... and prob will never meet this sexy kitten.. But that doesn't mean I can't love her/you now.. sopooooYou get  Marina song bc she has the prettiest voice and you have the prettiest mouth and breasts. Calvin chose well when he picked you for his underwear campaign

Gemma Ward,  

You look like you came form another, far better more ethereal planet where I want to be transported with you. you seriously look like an angel. I love you even more for going from a fucKing 0 to a regular size (6) IN YOUR 20's like a normal human being+ while you were mourning the loss of a recent boyfriend (I have been going down.. not up on the scale) It's nice to know someone as beautiful as you can have actual problems. Fuck them, there WON'T be another GEMMA WARD! Again, here comes my vanity, Gemma ward is like no one else you've ever seen before. all her features are make her like unwordly- which is why shes ncknamed the china doll. Well fuck, I can't imagine if you went up 4 stupid pant sizes your unearthly like features would diminish any lesss. So I'd still def have a huge crush on her no matter how fat she was... *wait- I take that back.. of course you can be too fat- but e aren't talking like muffin top here* Anyway, back to third person like the psycho I am.. Gemma, you get Fiona bc bitch knows what its like to deal with some fucked up shit.. and in your case have it publicised all over the bitchy fashion world. No matter what you'll always be that 14 year old alien looking girl I saw fell in  love w/ the first time I saw your pic. obvi beauty is inside and out. P.S. This song kills it... muah. I love you Fiona Apple!!!!!

So it looks lke I have the same basic taste, Long blonde hair, big boobs, interesting features. The thing is I have had some serious to not so serious lessie experiences and I just am not into girls that way something about the whole paraphernalia down there is just not sexual to me... But  yet I find them insanely hot. Guys are insanely sexy too.. but often not as hot as girls and guys rarely have that sort of... je ne sais quoi. Its also hard bc threesomes are no fun.. in my opinion.. probably because if i'm not the center of attention i'll make sure nO ONE is. muahahahah. But its just that I desire the manliness of a... man... I am completely brain dead tonight.. sorry.

Anyway, if you have a ton of girl crushes like me but thnk you're actually a lessie take this redic quiz I found online. hahahah I love it. why are people on this planet are so fucking bizarre. Anyway, I just tried to look on the Internet for some feminist articles arguing that women are just the more physically attractive sex.. but came up w/ a lot of weird shit  didn't even want to explore.. Wow, the Internet is scary sometimes.

Okay so those are my girls.. and now it is.. Time to go masturbate to Kid Cudi... or Currently Unknown.. love currently unknown. Yea, fuck off, I can crave a penis just as much as a pretty blonde fce. especially a hot black rapper. YUM.  I think I might even throw some of my new found morals out the window for that fantasy...

anyway, enough talk.

All my love and sweet dreams,

p.s. questions, comments and any feedback on this topic definitely welcome! I feel like its kinda taboo to have so many girl crushes. But fuck it, I do.

Sunday, December 23, 2012



Dear Santa, 
I feel strongly that due to my attempted impeccable behavior this year, as well as numerous hardships...  I deserve all these beautiful objects of my desire.. especially because the one boy I really desire aint coming around anytime soon......

  As you know, ever since my father bought me the JPG original scent i've been obsessed w the scent.. and the bottle specifically. Plus, I think it is time to try something a little bit more womanly than Marc Jacobs Daisy and Lola scents which have cute packaging but remind me too much of evil ex boyfriends

You may or may not know that my black boot situation is in rather dire straights.  I feeel these boots would give me the heel I need while still being good for the cold weather. Plus they are from top shop so I'm thinking about the piggy bank! Another life lesson i am going to be working on over the next year!!

Ever since I was an idiot and left my last pair of leather gloves in the manicure place on 6th where they were of course never retrieved.. I have been leather glove less. I therefore feel these are quite necessary. The color is also an ode to the new and improved me who takes chances on color choices.  

So here is my risque item on my wish list this year. This pair of Rag + Bone will def give out the perfect message that I am ready to bring some more unconventional pieces into my new year's wardrobe. Plus 've always wanted faded jeans like this. I really need to take some serious risks this year and I think these jeans are the perfect place to start. Colors are assorted although I prefer this color combo.. see what your elves can find. 

Okay, I can't lie- I wouldn't die without this burberry hat but I know my new year would be so much more fun and cutte with it. Plus, it would put the biggest smile on my face, which is your job, right? Just get one of your girl elves to take one look at it and see f they don't fall in love immediately!!!!

 So i'm sure since you never forget anything, you remember when I had to suffer living in that model Harem in Tribeca? Well those models totally stole my last nice black leather jacket and my current Burgundy one is on its last legs.. This jacket would be perfect and does w like all outfits. It is available at Intermix. 

Underwear is always needed and appreciated.  I picked the following set because it is both comfortable and supportive. There are various colors at the store... I'm not too picky. Just make sure it is Calvin Klein. A girl needs to be picky about her underwear! She basically lives in them! Ask Mrs. Claus!!

and lastly... You probably also know I lost one of my favorite earrings of all time earlier this year.. so If you could find it in your heart to replace them I promise I'll be even better next year than I was this year!!! 

I think i've left you enough milk and cookies in my life...

Merry Christmas,

Love Elizabeth

Saturday, December 22, 2012

HOW TO: be a stellar blog reader

fill out the new totally awesome lunchtime poll I just posted. YAY.

HOW TO: realize your christmas could be worse

To start with here is The Hood Internets new Remixes. The only two xmas songs I like are "All I want for Christmas is you" which I basically over play all year round and "Santa Baby" which apparently was only covered by Marilyn Monroe and therefore is basically impossible to get a copy of. Thank you negative Christmas Cheer.
"SANTA BABY, i wanna yacht and really thats not a lot.. been an angel all year..."

Anyway.. it seems this time of year is slowly becoming worse and worse each year which is totally depressing bc it started out awesome.. obviously.. the earliest xmas I remember was when I was around 5 and got a million presents plus some.  and NOW. I'm obligated to feel like i should be having an awesome time during many obligatory family get togethers that happen one right after the other with no time to recover... PLUS I have no drunken relatives who do embarrassing things like grannies who take off their wigs and sing karaoke carols or angry uncles who drink too much scotch and get all angry and weird and discuss  the atrocities that will follow Barrack's re-electon namely the downfall of the economy, Reagan's glory days along with a few veiled racist comments... wait.. i totally have those ppl in my fam...

And somehow the fact that i'm newly single seems strangely shittier than it did just a few weeks.. no.. days ago. I'm expecting the shitiness factor of that to prob expand exponentially the closer new years comes. Also- unrelated but while i'm on this little rant.. I do not wish to spend the next 9 months of my life hearing about princess Kate's fetus. You know that shit is going to be all over every stupid magazine at every duane reade check out line in the city until the little thing is birthed.. and then.. god forbid it gets as much press as precious suri.. maybe suri will have a SWAT team ready for it when it comes out. ugh, I swore 2013 would be awesome.. just need to avoid gossip rags. i mean, fuck... someone has already died over this child.

In other completely invigorating news, So far since i've been visiting w/ my extended family  I've learned a little about christ and how he was born in a mother fucking manger... and why Joseph didn't divorce Mary's ass bc she was preggie even tho they didn't fuck. there was also an angel who my cousin played in a pageant when she was 5.. obvi the convo here is way existential. yay. although all that was actually kinda interesting since i know absolutely nothing about my own supposed religion. I want to write something positive but I like literally am all pissy and grinchy inside. This is why i'm making a list of people who are having a worse Christmas than me.

1. Lindsay: 

Lindsay, who somehow is not in jail is currently making a movie which should literally be called the "worst movie ever made in all history please never watch this or you shall be forever scarred: Scary Movie 40000000" with Charlie Sheen and since Charlie recently gave Lins some major cash to bail her out of.... her life... hes trying to somehow get it written in the script that the two get it on  in the movie. Poor Lindsay like doesn't even have enough for a lawyer to get his grimey ass away from her silicone filled lips. ugh that SUCKS. Shes prob spending Christmas wth a bottle of vodka.. or 5 and a few 8 balls. like that will come close to making kissing charlie sheen okay. blech iw. gross gross gross.

2. Demi Moore:

Okay ,so I know my Christmas CANNOT be as bad as Demi Moores'---who is currently getting served divorce papers from her ex husband. Gross. the same ex husband who, besides being the lamest character on that 70's show, can only brag about being the 20 something year old face of Nikon when they needed a new ad campaign like 10 years ago and hosting a show that should have been cancelled after the first 3 episodes.. (NO I DON'T CARE IF - ENTER C-LIST CELEBRITY- IS OVERLY EMBARRASSED IN PUBLIC.) Demi is probably still dancing naked on a table in some club while Lenny Kravitz tries to figure out how he got there... and hopefully some sober enough person drugs her and commits her to rehab..

3. (and i'm probably going straight to hell for this:)

Jessica Simpson: 

after everything her career has come to this: the introduction of her new weight watchers commercials. Since this is the case, she is probably hibernating with a tub of ice cream and a gallon of eggnog, crying into the last of her fake hair extensions. Yea, you used to be hot as hell and wear daisy dukes and be an untouchable virgin but now that you were dumped/divorced by almost everyone you dated, saw your sister have better success than you (even tho she couldn't sing for shit) and then suddenly married.... wait , who??  that does not make you relevant anymore. I hope these commercials help w/ that. and the baby fat. goood luck. please don't become the next Christie Alley.  That would really bring negative christmas cheer to every one. God, and after her dad came out as a homosexual perophile.. 2012 has been rough on the poor girl!!!

4., 5. and 6. Rita Ora, The Kardashian Brother and Jonah Hill: 

Until i read dlisted a few days ago I had no idea who these ppl were and still kinda dont.. soooo, apparently Rita Ora, who no one knows, was dating the Kardashian brother... super.. but cheated on him recently with JONAH HILL. iw. iw iw. they all get iws. all around. Rita Ora is clearly a whore w/ like negative taste, The Kardashian brother sucks ass but does not deserve to be cheated on with Jonah Hill, eeek. thats Harsh. Jonah Hill, you didn't get skinny and you're still annoying. ugh. grossness. It would be bad enough to get sat down and explained to that you are getting dumped for Jonah Hill, but to get cheated on for him? That's horrid Karma I would not wish to be sitting on this Christmas season. thank you.


Then I guess there is always like the fact that I'm not Justin Beiber or Kim Kardashian.. Or that like i'm not sick or mentally disabled or look like this:

or have a fatal illness, or just have had an animal die..  or live in middle America or shop at Strawberry....etc. Okay I guess i'm grateful for a lot of things. Now im' going to go watch its a wonderful life and feel like a selfish bitch. Sounds about right. xoxoxo

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Time to Clean Out Your Cell Phones Girlies!!!

So, I remember back in high school one night I was sitting in a park drinking a 40 (yes) talking to this dude about some girl who was hitting him up and either wanted to be friends or be more than friends to which he promptly replied, " no, i can't be friends w/ her... I've reached my friend capacity.. I don't want anymore"  I don't know why I didn't have some sort of epiphany right then... but I def had one over the past few days. I cannot keep bringing in unneeded friends into my life for no fucking reason.

And we're all guilty of it. Keeping around sub par friends just because we have been friends with them forever, or you bonded over some stupid shit 5 years ago, or you are occasionally bored and have nothing better to do than hang out with someone who brings nothing to the table besides the same old shit shes/he is always bringing to the table... bullshit casserole.. or worse yet, there are those friends who actually are a pain to hang out with but yet you still do it out of guilt for whatever fucked up reason that's going on.. thats your biz.

Well my new years resolution (among about 50 other things) is to stop this evil cycle and rid my life of obligatory friendships that are destined to spiral into a lifetime of blahness. 

Okay enough of being a  holiday Grinch. Let's get some Christmas music up in this bitch. I couldn't find a clip of the Marylin version so if figured Kylie was second best.

AND, Here are the results of the lunchtime poll: and for those who filled it out i love you you are the best there is no one better than you i want to be your non obligatory best friend. :)

okay. also- there was a total dumbass typo i mean which DECADE would you want to live in.. not century. good job eliz. Hey, I'm not a fucking editor. 

okay. so 
  • 28% of you said you want to live in the prohibition
  • 14% of you said you'd want to live among the rich and famous of the 1890;s
  • 42% of you said you wanted to be flower children in the 60's 
  • 57% said they wanted to live at studio 54 with a coke spoon up their nose and 
  • 42% wanted to be living on the streets trying to score heroin in the 90's or rocking out in your garage hoping to be the next big thing.  (boo)

SOOOOOOOOOO. 70's looks like it wins. YAY. this era would be super fun. 

and if you aren't in NYC to enjoy the discos you could always be in high school hanging out w. the likes of Randall pink Floyd, Slater and Simone in dazed and confused hazing freshman and having a partying in the woods with Matthew McConnaughys's sketchy ass. bravo. good choice. yay I'm loving my audience. I'll think of a new lunchtime poll asap. 

Monday, December 3, 2012



this is gonna be a little deep for me. 

so anyway, my favorite author is BRET EASTON ELLIS. I love him almost as much as Edie and Kate. You prob know him bc he wrote American Psycho. 

Anyway, Still dealing w/ my shitty breakup I thought i'd read one of my faves by him that I haven't read in a while: RULES OF ATTRACTION. 

Ugh, in fact one of the main characters, Sean, reminded me of a lot of the assholes i fucked in college. (ugh.. memories that do not need to exist) So in the book they keep mentioning this book "notes from the underground" and laugh at townies that don't get it etc. Well.. obvi I didn't want to be one of those IDIOTS they refer to in the book who doesn't know what this is abt.. so I wikipedia-ed it. (obv the most reliable source of info)

So its by this famous russian dude named Dostoyevsky (who I should know more about. but give me a break Russian literature is so heavy!) according to wiki: It consists of an introduction, three main sections and a conclusion. (i) The short introduction propounds a number of riddles whose meanings will be further developed. (1) Chapters two, three and four deal with suffering and the enjoyment of suffering; (2) chapters five and six with intellectual and moral vacillation and with conscious "inertia"-inaction; (3) chapters seven through nine with theories of reason and logic; (c) the last two chapters are a summary and a transition into Part 2.
"The book deal with "Rebellion in the face of the dysfunction and disorder of adult experience that one inherits when reaching adulthood under the understanding of tradition and society." Notes from Underground marks the starting point of Dostoyevsky'snovels based on existential and general human experience in crisis. "

(clearly this is not going to be my next read.. but interesting nonetheless.. )

DUDE. Bret Easton Ellis is a total genius bc thats totally what the book is abt. Rich kids, bored in college, fucking each other, doing drugs, and always falling for someone completely unattainable.  Ppl are killing themselves over guys and girls like left and right including a really nasty part where this girl describes killing herself by slitting her wrists in the bathrub bc Sean isn't into her.. I so had a sean.. who was actually named sean... luckily i wasn't stupid enough to kill myself over him. Now hes fat and married. So nice job on my part avoiding that. haha

There are drugs everywhere, girls on girls, girls on guys, guys on guys, parties called "dress to get screwed, etc. and like you feel lke no one is ever happy. everyone is falling for someone wrong but no one really cares. Everyone is so jaded. . Anyway, I don't know how else to describe how good this book is.. and nothing REALLY happens except the above (partying and love sickness). I was reading aloud to this dude the other day (don't ask) and he called it a melodrama . Ugh no one knows good writing when they hear it.. maybe it was my reading aloud skills which i really never mastered in what... 3rd grade? 


So I was super proud of myself for getting the Dostoyevsky reference.. thank you very much. and here is a mix of rad eighties songs they constantly refer to in the book. Bret Easton Ellis is fucking awesome at pop culture references EVERYWHERE which I love. and the book WAS written in 1987. 

In Vogue: The Editor's Eye


If you love fashion and your bible often becomes VOGUE (esp around September)

be sure to watch the new HBO Documentary featuring some of Vogue’s most prolific fashion editors: Anna Wintour, Grace Coddington, Tonne Goodman,  Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele, Polly Allen Mellen, Camilla Nickerson, Phyllis Posnick and Babs Simpson. Add it to your calendars — December 6, 2012, 9PM Eastern Time.

Here is the Trailer. ENJOY!

Saturday, December 1, 2012

SAMO: an art history lesson

Thought this song was sadly fitting......

Jean-Michel Basquiat 

Okay so I just saw this documentary on weird home video type shit that was happening n the late 70s and early 80s and they mentioned Basquiat and I had totally forgotten about how awesome he was/is.  In 1977, Basquiat, along with friend Al Diaz begins spray painting cryptic aphorisms on subway trains and around lower Manhattan and signing them with the name SAMO©  (Same Old Shit). He is considered one of the first  real taggers in NYC which helped him become famous later on. SAMO was literally tagged everywhere in the city (or so I hear.. haha)

He started by selling little postcards and drawings to his friends and as his art progressed it began showing a lot of resembelences to his heritage (he grew up in Haiti just like Wyclef!!) but also his black heritage having themes about slavery, Egypt , the Nile river, Nubian masks and the Atlantic Slave Trade. He basically wanted to express how unfair it was tha society was controlled primarily by white people.  He wanted to  portray how complacent Black ppl have become despite the corrupt regines of white police and general institutions. Although its hard to get that from his paintings, this is another reason why he was a big fucking deal. My friend Carol isn't really into his style and I'm not sure I am either but his shit s still super important and revolutionary. Something tells me Jay-Z would be super into this dude.

Some see him as kind a sell out to his original creativity after meeting and getting major praise from the likes of And Warhol and Keith Harring who regarded him as a genius. He was also in a Blondie music video, started dating Madonna and hung w/ David Bowie a bit and he started having shows for the first time. His art was purchased by tons of richies and suddenly he wasn't couch hopping anymore. 

Around 1984, many of Basquiat's friends had become quite concerned about his excessive drug (heroin) use, often finding him unkempt and in a state of paranoia.  Basquiat's paranoia was also fueled by the very real threat of people stealing work from his apartment and of art dealers taking unfinished work from his studio since he had recently come into some major money. He usually hung out at the Mudd Club which was the place to be seen  and heard at the time (Think the Limelight of the dirty early 80s grunge scene ), CBGBs and Max;s Kansas City. He then started painting expensive armani suits and was sometimes seen wearing them.

When Andy died in 1987 Basquiat got super depressed and isolated a lot w. a massive drug stash and stopped working as much. He did travel to his ranch in Maui which he had purchased a few years back but didn't really communicate w. anyone except regarding selling his art. But by 1988, Basquiat had shows in both Paris, Japan, and New York and California. The NYC show which was held in SOHO (not sure whch gallery)  was a super, super success and made him even more popular- and by this time he was really raking in the dough. 

  Basquiat attempted to kick his heroin addiction by leaving the temptations of New York but on August 12 , Basquiat died as the result of a heroin overdose. He was 27... like everyone else awesome. SAD FUCKING STORY. and sorry abt the pic.. it was too fitting not to include but yea, its hella depressing. 

oh, also.. if anyone wants to leave a comment about anything at all it would make me super happy and excited.. that is all. :)

xoxoxo. e. 

OH AND i'd be a horrible teacher if I didn't mention like the other 50 million street artists in the city who revolutionalized bombing too. so if you feel like being a good pupil don't forget about this: READ ME

[Valid RSS] Tweets by @ElizabethASpenc