Friday, October 25, 2013


and thanks for all the comments abt how this website is awesome. merci merci. hahahaha but no thank yous to ppl who never fill out my surveys: you suck. also. i'm always hella interested to know who reads this crap so if you ever want to like tell me who the hell you are. or where you live or wtf you read this for... feel free. i know i'm cool and smart. but i'm amazed anyone gets anything out of reading this besides feeling more sane themselves. 

k. i don't have a lot to say today. but i feel like this blog is really like dying a slow death like working in a cubicle.. i mean, i guess it is but i'm going to attempt to resuscitate it.

let's start with the princess for a good omen:

and here's my daily rant:

i just read some story on dlisted abt a divorce where the divorcee wants hella child support bc their 14 yro child is getting bullied at their expensive private school bc the other kids are richer than her and are going on expensive vacas and buy whatever the fuck they want while their child prob only shops at coach and jcrew not intermix and ysl. omg SOB STORY. bitch is getting picked up in an e-class not escorted by the butler in the family maybach.

shut up. where do these ppl come from? 1st of all anyone who talks abt bulling like they are some fucking saint on a mission to better the world needs to go suck a fucking rancid dick. bulling is something called: what happens in fucking middle school, high school, elementary school AND  life. when human beings get together they usually fucking create some sort of a system where one or more of them infers superiority DEAL. maybe kids are killing themselves over it bc they are on a bunch of antidepressants whose side effect are, amontg others: "may commit suicide"

i guess its hard out there for rich kids. but i guess i can't really hate. i mean, it the words of Cher Horwitz "the wounds of adolescence can take years to heal." but fuck. i got thru it. and so did the ppl i "bullied" and so did the ppl who were bitches to me. its the circle of life. watch romy and michelle's highschool reunion. heheheheh. besides its lessons in bullying its obvi fucking awesome.

Can Anna Wintour stop being such a cunt? Kate Winslet is on the over of this months Vogue and Matthew McConnahay (sp?) is one of the mentioned articles inside? FUCK THAT. where are the models? What abt this seasons fashions? I don't give a shit abt fucking actors anymore. UGHHH.

this is what Paris Vogue Nov issue has to look forward to:

and heres what weve been missing: 

from a NYT article in 1999. 

Only five years ago, RuPaul's pop paeon ''Supermodel'' was at the top of the charts and the singer George Michael's videos featured famous models lip-synching the lyrics to his music as they crawled across concrete floors. The elite clique known as supermodels -- a rambunctious, publicity-happy group of five or six women that comprised Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, Cindy Crawford, Christy Turlington, Claudia Schiffer and, depending on your mood, Kate Moss -- stared out from the cover of every women's magazine.

As Anna Wintour, the editor in chief of Vogue magazine, puts it: ''They were celebrities. The paparazzi were chasing them. Everyone cared what they were having for breakfast and who they were having affairs with.''

What happened to the models? One theory is that the great success of In Style magazine, Time Inc.'s recent celebrity-laden entry into the women's magazine field, has inspired mimics. Another is that the fashion to shoot models as gaunt, depressed and unglamorous waifs in the early 1990's denuded them of all personality. Michael Gross, the author of ''Model: The Ugly Business of Beautiful Women'' (Morrow, 1995), said that magazines ''need a personality on the cover.'' He added: ''And when models lost their personalities and Hollywood created this bumper crop of ingenues, the models lost the covers. And the models are angry.''

Apart from the models and their managers, of course, not many people are shedding tears for their lost visibility.
''The term 'supermodel' is a press-induced word,'' Linda Evangelista said through a spokeswoman. ''We have never called ourselves supermodels.'' She added, ''I feel the readers are more intelligent and appreciate beauty no matter what the females' traditional career may be.'' She noted that if models are not appearing on American covers, they can still be found on the majority of European and Asian magazine covers. (Ms. Evangelista appeared on the January covers of German and British Vogue.)

Since January 1998, the monthly Vogue has featured celebrities, not models, on eight covers. And Ms. Evangelista? She's starring in a Visa commercial in which she laments, ''I have no identity.''For her part, Ms. Evangelista blames the press for the label ''supermodel'' in the first place.

K THAT WAS PROB BORING. if you don't love vogue and models and aren't pissed by this months cover w kate winslet on it and last months cover with fucking sandra bullock (THE FUCK?!?) heres something else weird: i've been learning more than i wanted to know abt 2pac.

so THUG LIFE means "the hate you give little infants fucks eveyone" WEIRD RIGHT? I have so much more to say abt 2pac but ill leave it for another post. OXOXOX. 

yum. hes still YUM tho. 

Saturday, September 14, 2013

yay VOTING!!!!!!!!!!

if you have the attention span of a 5 year old boy with ADD this survey is for you! If you like hot girls who are a total mess this survey is REALLY for you and if you have always wanted to tell the world who you think is the most scientifically proven train wreck since Paula Abdul left America's Next Manufactured Pop Star.. this survey is going to be the best thing that ever happened to you. 

Not only that but taking this survey is proven to increase your IQ AND your productivity by 20% and yOUR opinion makes all the difference in the world! Without you, these survey results might as well sit in the place where you put your junk mail to get recycled, but never get around to it so you end up with a giant pile of useless paper in your house that you don't have the heart to throw out because you are against wasting trees.
Not only that, but since you're supposed to vote soon this awesome, amazing, excellent survey has been made just for you to give you some much needed practice. You'll get a pin that says I VOTED AND you'll be the envy of all your friends.

OH and unlike the real voting booths.. your opinions are actually welcome.. even if you're from FLORIDA!. 


Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world's leading questionnaire tool.

How To Live Your Life Like It’s A Bret Easton Ellis

re: http://thoughtcatalog.com

Care a lot about freeways and restaurants and streets. It’s important to note that you took Fountain instead of Sunset to meet your drug dealer because Sunset is usually a nightmare and makes you anxious. Only live in Los Angeles or New York. You can take a break to attend a liberal arts school in the middle of nowhere but you’ll move back right when you graduate because there’ll be nothing to do and you get bored too easily. You’re bored right now.

Follow the script of a typical bourgeois kid. Grow up in Los Angeles and go to some private school on the Westside or the Valley. Maybe you went to Archer or Crossroads or New Roads or Harvard-Westlake or Buckley or maybe even Hamilton, even though it’s public and ew. Become friends with the big bad jerks of Los Angeles who have silver spoons dangling from their mouths and Rich People Names like Olivia and Muffy and Harrison. Decide early on that you won’t care about anything ever. Caring about things must mean you’re poor or something and you’re super rich so why would you ever feel anything besides boredom and disinterest? Every time you spend a dollar, you become more dead inside. Cha-ching = dead. How many soul points did that eight ball of coke cost you? OMG, coke!

Talk about food a lot and where you’re eating it. You’re always eating at Spago with your dad unless you’re eating at Dominick’s or Il Cielo with Stella who you may or may not be in love with. It’s hard to tell because you just don’t care. Who’s Stella? Where’s my drink?
Other things you don’t care about: Whether someone has a penis or a vagina. You’re sort of gay and will sleep with whoever. Chad, Clay, Chrissy, Samantha, and Thomas might as well be the same person because you are so numb. Caring about gender is not only complete BS (fRee SpiRIt), it also would require you to have feelings about something, which is not allowed. Just say NO to having an opinion.
Everyone around you seems to be crazier than you are. Watch your 14-year-old sister snort your mother’s Adderall in the pool house and talk about this guy she’s sleeping with. C-R-A-Z-Y. Someone should get her help…somewhere…somehow.
Repeat this over and over and think you’re having some sort of breakthrough. Maybe you’re experiencing a feeling? You’re not sure. Wait, maybe the valet guy has your feelings. You’ll ask. “Sir, do you have my—” You trail off, exhausted, and just get into the car.
Have this mild sense of awareness that everything and everyone around you is messed up. Go to your friend’s house and find them watching kiddie porn. Think to yourself that this is wrong but get fatigued at the idea of saying something. Sit down and take a ValiumXanaxVicodinOxyKlonopinAmbien with this person and watch the kiddie porn with them. Kiddie porn is really screwed up but also, like, NBD.
This how you live the life of Bret Easton Ellis. Go to lunch with someone and barely speak. Leave lunch and wait until you go to dinner. The three hours you have between dinner reservations will give you serious anxiety and you will have to just drive on the freeway to deal with it. Just be desensitized to everything going around you. Always make sure you look fabulous. All the time you would ordinarily spend on cultivating a personality, you use for grooming. A well-groomed person always gives the impression that they care. It’s a great trick.
Oh, and kill people sometimes if you’re stressed out and can’t get into Barcadia. TC mark

a history lesson: 2/14/13 AND THE SHIP OF SHIT


warning: this post is complete nonsense and may waste your time. only read in case of extreme boredom: (altho that explains many posts on this blog)


In case you didn't accidentally flip by CNN anytime during or about a week after valentines day 2013, an 893-foot, 4,200-person Carnival cruise ship took off from Galveston last week for what was supposed to be a normal, run-of-the-mill cruise. The ship suffered an engine fire on Sunday, though, and the ship was crippled. It spent the last four days of its trip stranded in the Gulf of Mexico. Conditions on board were relayed back to people on land through text messages and short phone calls, and it quickly became clear that the ship had descended into anarchy, a floating "Lord of the Flies," where passengers were pooping in overflowed toilets, sleeping on the deck, and, as food ran out, eating jelly beans three meals a day. 


there once was a carnival ship called triumph that cruised
and while the passengers gambled and boozed
little did they know that their fair vessel
was about to turn into a big gigantic poopy mess(el)

the ship was old and soon pipes broke
which obviously worried the folk
but they had no idea what was in store
before they were to return to shore

slowly the shit came dripping down
first they were curious then started to frown
as raw sewage came down on their heads
and into their luggage and all over their beds

Two girls ashore who are really quite brills
took the opportunity to bring themselves some thrills
the day that the diarrrhea ship gained gallons of shit
was a day that they both (one especially) was dreading a bit

valentines day was when the shit started to ooze
and the girls forgot their woes and were fiercely amused
imagining their fates on a ship filled with shit
was much better than any breakup.. at least just a bit


here are just a few of the fucking brilliant headlines that brought joy to our otherwise overly shitty valentine day. GOD, WHO COULD COME UP W ANYTHING BETTER. hahahhahahaah


  • Passengers Trapped on Shit-Encrusted Hell Cruise Docked in Caribbean
  • Disabled, Shit-Covered Cruise Ship Descends to New Circle of Hell Off the Coast of Alabama
  • Stranded Carnival Cruise Ship's Toilets Are So Full Of Shit They Are Falling Off The Walls
  • Holy crap: Carnival tweet assures poop-cruise passengers the bathrobes are complimentary


These quotes from passengers talking about the "poop" part of the "poop cruise." How is this not the best news story of all time?

     "The lower floors had it the worst, the floors 'squish' when you walk and lots of the lower rooms have flooding from above floors," Hill wrote. "Half the bachelorette party was on two; the smell down there literally chokes you and hurts your eyes."
  • From Deadspin: "Y'all better be enjoying your Valentine's flowers while we're defecating in red plastic bags."
  • From the NY Times: "“It’s like being locked in a Porta Potty for days,” said Peter Cass, a physician from Beaumont, Tex., as the ship crept closer to Mobile on Thursday. “We’ve lived through two hurricanes, and this is worse.”
    : "She said 'there's poop and urine all along the floor. The floor is flooded with sewer water ... and we had to poop in bags.'
    : "The worst thing I've witnessed is] the toilets that fell off the wall because they were so full and shit and urine floating around."
  • "They did their best to keep our spirits up," she said.
    Joseph and Cecilia Alvarez of San Antonio said some passengers passed the time by forming a Bible study group."It was awesome," he said. "It lifted up our souls and gave us hope that we would get back." But most still aboard chanted, "Let me off, let me off!"

AND THIS IS PROBABLY THE FUNNIEST ACCOUNT I'VE EVER HEARD- the story legit cannot get better: 

Jayme Lamm—freelance sportswriter and proprietor of TheBlondeSide.com—is currently stranded aboard the Carnival Triumph, a cruise ship that has been without power for four days after an engine room fire. We've received sporadic dispatches from her over the past few days via text message, and she's agreed to let us post them in this space. Everything [sic]'d.Barely alive.Literally stranded at sea. Using plastic bags to bathroom and NO ELECTRICITY.

[The worst thing I've witnessed is] the toilets that fell off the wall because they were so full and shit and urine floating around. Two people were banging in my tent the first night and I watched I was so bored. 

Food hasn't been a huge issue, but it's not good. Jelly & bread and zucchini & red onion sandwiches. Some lady was SELLING Immodium. Woman died yesterday of a heart attack. They closed the bars Sunday when the fire happened. Luckily I brought a flask. And Ambien. 

They won't let us outside because people are holding up sheets with messages. The first three nights we slept outside under tents made out of our bedsheets. They made us come in. They said safety reasons but it's not. Today they cleaned the hell out of this ship, served LOBSTER FOR LUNCH, crew is wearing matching hats.Y'all better be enjoying your Valentine's flowers while we're defecating in red plastic bags. People are spelling "HELP" with their bodies. Our theme song has been Alicia Keys: "This Boat Is On Fire."We are going 1mph.

Update (6:44 p.m.): Some lady just told me she took the batteries out of her vibrator to use her fan. 

and here are the musings of two creative geniuses on this beloved topic who fondly named this the SHIP OF SHIT. and will always remember feb 14th 2013 as our best valentines day.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


Thank you. And thank you to the traditional landowners of Summer Heights, the Wurundjeri people. My name is Ja'mie. J-A-apostrophe-M-I-E. Weird name, I know. But you'll get used to it. Yes, I come from one of the most expensive private girls schools in the state, but I'm actually really cool. Please don't be intimidated by me. People always go "Private schools create better citizens," but I would say they create better quality citizens. Studies have shown that students from private schools are more likely to get into Uni and end up making a lot more money; while wife-beaters and rapists are nearly all public-school educated. Sorry, no offense, but it's true.


(giving slideshow) That's me being an idiot. My friends say that I look like Mischa Barton in that photo. I so don't. Oh my god. That's from my modeling portfolio. They should not be in there. That's really embarrassing. I'm up to a thousand friends on MySpace, and I could always do with more. 

22 Times Ja'mie King Was The Most Real And Inspiring Person On Television[crying, on the phone] Mom it's me. I'm really upset. You've got to come and pick me up. 'Cause everyone's being a bitch to me. I should never have come here. They don't even have fucking grass on their oval. It's all just dirt. I am not going to see the school councilor you bitch! I hate this school. I do not want to be here. I want to fucking go back to Hillford. I'll trash my room and you will be fucking cleaning it up, okay? I will have no hesitation in smashing your doll's cupboard with a hammer, Mom. I'm serious. Or maybe I'll get pregnant. Maybe I'll just go and root some teacher or something and get pregnant and then you deal with that. You'll have to fucking raise the baby. Is that what you want? I am seriously gonna hyperventilate and die and it will be your fault. I am not fucking getting on the train home! The train stations out in the suburbs here are seriously fucked up. I'm gonna get raped or something and then I'll be in counseling for the rest of my life and it will be your fault! Why are you the biggest bitch in the world to me? I'm 16, mom. In a couples years time I'm going to be fucking out of your life. I'm not even going to fucking invite you to my wedding. Do you love me? If you fucking love me you will do as I fucking say. I just want to go back to Hillford. That is where I belong. I'm not supposed to be here. I'm a fucking private-school girl.
also: its hard not to be a hater  against  Terry Richardson and Cyley getting together for some serious douchefuckery  of a music video to a song that sucks blue balls anywya. what happened to DANCING IN THE USA? please. 

Wednesday, August 7, 2013


So things aren't going super awesome for me which is one of the reasons I have decorated this blog w/ those lame ecards that I really hate but kinda secretly always laugh at.

So here is my current woe: My exbf is engaged and has a pregnant fiancee.. not that that really bothers me that much since they are both basically trailer trash-ish but its still kinda putting a cloud over my head. Then there is the fact that i'm turning 30 and i'm really not looking forward to it at all.. Although that is also not a big deal (white people problems ARE problems too tho may I remind you) Lastly, I just spent 4 nights w/ the ex I broke up w/ a few months ago but since i"ve left the city after my weekend trip for my best friend's 30th hes been totally mia which makes me feel shitty and slutty and emotionally abused. okay.. that's over exaggerating. but wtf. I don't get treated like this. it is unacceptable.

Anyway, last night I read this thing on the Internet that was sort of like a pathetic self help book/pdf that I could tell was written by some older woman who probably lived somewhere in California.. definitely in some hippie West Coast town.. I could see her perhaps living in a commune. But it was a little helpful nonetheless so i'll give you some of the main points.. (it was about how it is okay to be a bitch bc there is such a thing as a psycho bitch and a divine bitch)

Ad divine bitch is:

A psycho bitch is me right now obsessing over why my ex hasn't called or texted.. I got two pathetic texts one saying it was good to see me and the other saying he was busy.. ugh suck a dick. Apparently I'm supposed to pull it together and be at peace with everyone elses view points and opinions and mindsets.. even if they involve breaking up w/ me, giving me hope of getting back together then not following thru. In all honesty tho, he was a bit of a fixer-upper. I think its just the whole getting ignored via electronic communication that is pissing me off. 

No For real: she describes a psycho bitch as: 

This lady would probably tell me that I should accept those feelings of anger and let them out some way.. hmmm maybe I'll re read it tonight. She would probably tell me to let some anger out that I have pent up about people who misuse apostrophes (see left) and commonly confuse two/too/to and your/you're. AHHHHH 
Oh, there is also this thing called CRISOS which we are all supposed to love and to do that you must: 

Easier said than done. Anyway I was bored and made another music vidie. which is set to Robyn's first hit and is excellent for anyone who feels like they just got played by a less than perfect male. :)

And here is the last lame e card of the post: Wow, you know i'm having a bad day.. or a bad few days in this case when I used stupid ecards as decorations.. I always think these things are like the lowest form of humor.. But then again.. Right now i'm not really one to judge much of anything. Oh and if you want to read the divine bitch book, i think it is free online Just google it or go to harietteking.com.. at least that's what it says to do at the end of the pdf.. I'm so good at following directions.

I'll also include some mark ronson,  pharrell and cudi to even things out. I do love them. Ugh, i wish the happiness I got from that ugly tattoo was still working on me. muahahahah.




Also, If you care, which you should since you should care about everything I type about.. I saw the Canyons and liked it. Also I'm biased towards Lindsay and Bret Easton Ellis.. I thought it was good. and damn, that porn star James deen is hot!!!

"YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL AND YOU NEVER WILL" : the apparent obsession w Effy Stonem


UGH, SO there is this thing on my blog where you can see what key words ppl typed in to be directed to your website and EFFY STONEM is like always #1. Who are you people that are so obsessed w/ Effy? Anyway, I figured since so many ppl are into her I'd try to find some interesting information about her. but guess what? Shes a fucking hot girl playing a fictional character and there is nothing you can find on the Internet that you can't get from watching Skins besides the fact that there are a shit load of crazies out there who are obsessed w/ her.

Some of my favorite websites were:

  • Effyfuckingstonem.com or some shit which was written by a 16 year old girl who basically wants to have a lesbian relationship w/ Effy. 
  • How to Dress and Look like Effy Stonem in 6 steps (with pictures)
  • A facebook page called : Keep Calm and Love Effy Stonem
  • A tumblr site answering frequently asked questions about Effy Stonem
I kinda went through a phase where I thought effy was the best bc she was beautiful but also super deep and full of problems. Then I realized I was just disadvantaging myself by pretending to see real human traits in a fictional character. I'd rather go find some one who was beautiful and had problems so I could hang out with them and not watch their torrid love affairs go wrong on tv. 

This is totally pulling a quote from dearcoquette.com but 
"The whole idea of typing myself as a fictional personality is more than a little bit creepy.This kind of shit used to happen all the time back in the Sex and the City days. Bitches couldn’t help but ask, “are you a Carrie, a Samantha, a Charlotte, or a Miranda?”
"Fuck you," I’d say.
"Oh, you must be a Samantha. I’m such a Carrie!"
"Of course you are," at which point I’d excuse myself to the bathroom mirror to check that there wasn’t any blood leaking out of my ears.
Point is, everyone wants to be either a Carrie or a Charlotte. Everyone wants to be either a Joan or a Peggy. And if right now you’re saying to yourself, “Wait, wait! I’d rather be a Betty Draper or (god forbid) a Miranda,” then you’re double fucked. Not only are you missing my point, but you’re fantasizing about being a two-dimensional cunt.
I know I’m rambling at this point, but this shit bugs me. I hate hearing other women say they want to be like fictional characters on television. Real life role models are hard enough for me to condone, but tailoring your personality after some idealized bit of pop culture fiction is as shallow as it is dangerous.
This applies just as much to all you guys, by the way. Yes, you. The ones wearing fedoras and drinking rye whiskey cocktails like they were some kind of Don Draper starter kit. Stop it.
No, I’m not telling you what to wear or what to drink. I’m telling you to stop buying what television is really selling: your identity."

Ugh, AMEN. I mean not to like claim that I didn't have to read that post to realize what a little cunt I was being by idolizing dead or fictional characters.. I didn't think of this all on my own... but at least I figured it out and now i'm trying to pass the advice on to you.

* SIDE NOTE: Kate is an exception bc i love her bc shes the most beautiful person ever.. not bc she dated dirty English hipsters and had a coke habit.. just to clarify.. because that is arguably a double standard.

* SECOND SIDE NOTE: I'm not saying Effy isn't awesome.. i'm just saying shes fake so like.. chill, people. Hmm.. good marketing idea.. make up some character that ppl will be head over heels obsessed w/ and market him/her shamelessly. FUCK I think ppl in Hollywood already figured that one out.

So, on a happier note: My friend's ex boyfriend just got the worst tattoo I have ever seen in my entire life and he is such a d bag it brought me endless happiness last night..  READY???

How much worse could this be? Omg i can't even count the reasons. Anyone who has a motivational message with the word positive tattooed to their body sucks massively. And LOVE YOUR LIFE? omg i can hardly keep from projectile vomiting again. I have no idea what the tattoo artist was thinking when dude asked for this horrid thing.. or how this ex bf even thought of such a lame saying.. from a fortune cookie??.. and how did he ever got the idea to have it permanently attached to his body with a nature scene. It is  like the worst thing ever. I didn't know there were ppl in the world who sucked enough to get this.

I just hope that he feels like a fucking retard next time he gets seriously depressed... or meets ANYONE who has actual issues. Ugh, i'm even like offended and i have the whitest white girl problems ever.

Anyway, i'll prob have to take that picture down as soon as my friend sees that I posted her ex's lameness on the Internet.. but i really had to spread the love.. and no ones name is disclosed here so no ones really getting hurt. :) and we all already know i'm going to hell.

Okay thats all for today.

ALSO: Sorry i've been lazy (in every aspect of this blog) but especially music.. Here is what i've been listening to:

Saturday, August 3, 2013


So I haven't updated this website in sooooo long. but i noticed every one seemed to love the edie/effy video.. i mean for obvious reasons... they both are troubled young hotties who have everything to lose and do it all. LOVE. ALSO. i just got the great Gatsby soundtrack an was saddened that the coco o song didn't have a music video online .. so i threw one together super fast..

Its not too exciting but the song is the best the best.

kk. be good. I'll be back soon.


Friday, June 14, 2013


This is what I thought of my yearly English Teacher every time she forced us to READ over the summer from a list of books that looked lamer than.... something super lame.. Yea parents, like I'm super psyched to now be allowed to read from the bigger kids book list. I've been waiting all thru elementary school for this. BARF. 


Lucky for you, I have put together a summer reading list of all of my favorite books so you can maybe actually read a book that doesn't suck and also look smart on the subway and will be well on your way to not end up a literary retard with no taste.

 If some one has ever asked you what their favorite book is and they're like.. "uhhh DaVinci Code?" You should red flag them immediately and be sure they have issues.  They need this list more than anyone. Anyone who thinks that the Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons or any other of the crack laced mystery disasters Dan Brown shoved in our unsuspecting faces is legit their favorite book needs serious counseling and then should prob go back to special school.

Or i should round them all up and they can all live together on a deserted Dan Brown island where they can entertain each other by discussing how all the books are essentially the same and the only reason they can actually stomach reading them at all is the short chapters.. There might be some other ppl on that island who also suffer from embarrassing summer reads such as the girl who set fire to a dragon.. or kicked a bees nest or whatever that series was.

1. A Confederacy of Dunces- John Kennedy Toole
Dude who wrote this amazing book killed himself soon after he wrote this. Such a travesty because, while sometimes the characters are annoying as shit, this book is one of the funniest, amazing books i['ve ever read.
 The book did win a pulitzer but I think it was after the author jumped to his death. God Dammit. imagine all the other wonderful books John Toole could have written.

My friend literally couldn't finish it because she was so annoyed by the main character..who disdains commercialism and modernity and is like obsessed w/ the middle ages and lives w/ his mother in somesort of demented pretend world he devises. Luckily I didn't have to stop reading the book bc of this character and actually thought he was fucking hillarious and Toole was a genius for thinking him up.. 

ANYWAY, THIS Book prob isn't for you if you want something a little lighter and get easily annoyed by obnoxious people.. but if you can get by that and see the deep rooted humor this book is verging on 100% genius.

2. Edie: An American Girl- Jean Stein and George Pimpleton

This is the biography of my girl. Here is what the New York Times said: 

The story of Edie Sedgwick, aristocratic socialite turned pop superstar, is not simply the story of one girl's tragic loss of innocence or one family's decline and disarray. It is also the story of what happened to this country during the 1960's and the consequences of those years when the past was disavowed and replaced by a hectic new gospel of sensuality and outrage - those years when it seemed like everything to be young and beautiful and free.

3. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn - Betty Smith

Honestly this book is really only on this list bc at the time i read it it was the longest book i had ever read and therefore it was super exciting and I was really proud of my accomplishment. 

Now I doubt it couldn't keep my interest very long now. It is very "Angela's Ashes-esque" which isn't really my style. I don't need to hear about how Irish ppl were oppressed and had drunken fathers and lived on a nickel a week. Go to the ghetto. Then pls write me an interesting relevant books. 

To keep this short and sweet this book is abt a poor Irish fam living in Brooklyn in the early 1910s and Critics like it.. THE END. 

4. Middle Sex- Jeffery Eugenides

THIS is one of my favorite books of all time of all time. I know I'll probably say that about most books in this list but this book really is possibly my #1. 

Incest and hermaphrodites only touch the tip of the awesomeness iceberg that is this book. It follows a family thru generations of generations all the way from civil war times in old time Greece to bootlegging in like Minnesota to 1960s haight ashbury. I also like it because it is long as fuck but not boring at all and Jeffrey Eugenides put in serious work to make the book historically accurate so you learn shit too!

Seriously just read it. you'll be smarter and a better person when youre done.

5. Valley of the Dolls- Jacqueline Susann 

Okay, I'm going to kinda eat my words here bc this might possibly be put into the beachtime reads category and my feelings for it might send me to the embarassing book island i mentioned earlier.. I'm mildly ashamed that I love it so much.. but whatever. I can't help it! I mean, look at my ex boyfriends. I can't help what I love!

The first time i read it i WAS on the beach and at every new thing that happened I would gasp and tell all my girls who were lying out w/ me abt everything that was going on.. much to their annoyance....

This is like literally the literary version of a soap opera.. with pills and New York and fashion and money and unrequitted love and decit, fake tits, bisexualism... like everything good. You will be less bored than you would be reading a fucking cosmo w. this book.

6. Lolita- Nabokov
 TThis book is way way too deep and complex to explain in a few sentences but its a must read for any one who wants to claim they know anything abt classic literature. (which is why I initially read it. because i must be a snob about everything.. ) 

 I've heard it been called the most beautiful and tragic love story ever to incestuous child pornography that should be banned. Basically it is about a middle aged professor who falls in love with his tenant's pre-pubescent daughter who is a little.. well, Lolita. A serious tease who owns it and is a little brat/bitch/badass. 

So then the drama starts: the tenant ends up marrying Lo's mom just to be close to Lo, kills her (arguably) , steals lo, ends up fucking her, they start a relationship and eventually.. well its a tragic love story.. i can't tell you everything. :)

There is a super awesome dramtic ending and is fairly tragic bc inreality no one gives a fuck about the heartbroken tenant... welcometo the real world! Stanley Cooper also made a movie that I love pretty much equally.. So maybe just check that out depending on the laziness of your summer. 

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